i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
