Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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