I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
