just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
