Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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