would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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