Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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