Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
