She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
