It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I believe in your delicious
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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