Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
