walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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