yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
