they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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