and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
