Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it hurts more in the daytime
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
