Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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