Sorry, I don't speak sober.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
