He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
