I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How does one acquire holy water?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
