My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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