i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
