So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
