oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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