I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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