you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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