So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
