It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize