Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
