she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
