I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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