i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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