Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
