Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
