wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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