Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You just made me feel so damn special
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
