i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
