dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
