Fuck appropriateness.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
