Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
