I need to stop coming to work sober
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
