Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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