so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
