Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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