jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
