and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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