U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize