I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
