she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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