MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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