Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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