I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
