Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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