you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
