my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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