the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
