I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
