It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize