well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize