Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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