I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
