last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
