Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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