Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There r osticjed everywhere
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
