The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
