In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
