What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My life is pants optional.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
