I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize