I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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