I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
