I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
don't judge my taste in strippers
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
