Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
