i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
