At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize