Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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