she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
