Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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