i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
