I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
